Ministrymaker Magazine

Many of my family members and friends do not subscribe to my world view. Several of them have such differing opinions (if we allowed it) our differences might cause us to part ways permanently. Over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate this thing we call humanity — I understand we don’t have to agree upon everything to coexist in this world.

That being said, a wise man or women will understand that all people who subscribe to a certain faith or belief system will not always behave in the same way as others who have come before them. All people have differing levels of action they will take as they venture into the experiences that will ultimately determine who they are — and what they decide to believe or not to believe. For example, I’ve found an intelligent atheist will respect a Christian who is sincere and vise versa. I have also learned that most people (regardless of what they believe) are very stubborn creatures.

The Quest

Most love affairs begin with a look, a subtle touch, or a conversation with a co-worker about how your mate is not meeting all of your needs. Even in the most tempting circumstances, I’ve never been an easy sell. I’m not saying I’ve not succumbed at times, because I have. I’m simply saying it didn’t come easy for me. Christianity, Mormonism, Judaism, (or even the generic gods of Homer’s Iliad) were nothing more than imaginary fables to be sorted out during those days.

During my sophomore year in college a friend asked me to attend one of her Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. After the meeting, I left wondering if the people in the room had traded one addiction for another. What bothered me most was their pursuit of a “higher power.” I decided it was time to figure out if there really was a god, and if so, who he (or she) was. I had attended church a few times as a child, but it meant nothing to me.

I studied the occult for a short period of time. The library at my university gave me all of the recipes I would ever need to satisfy my preconceived desires. I also studied the major religions of the world, including Christianity, and none seemed viable to me. I found most religious opinions and writings to be remarkably boring. Still, I couldn’t let go of this hunch that I might be missing something.

The Fakes

The religious people I knew (who changed their opinions depending upon who happened to be listening at the time) were very repulsive to me. They were cowards who pretended to be committed to a god while blowing here and there like the wind.

My friends who claimed to be agnostic also confused me with their theories. I could not understand how any reasonable person could come to the final conclusion that it wasn’t possible to know for sure if there was a god. Like my agnostic friends, I still didn’t know anything for sure regarding a god or lack thereof, but I did know if I closed my mind it would mean intellectual suicide for me.

Surprisingly, the atheists I knew impressed me the most — at least they had the courage to make a decision and stick with it. It was more than I was able to do at that time in my life.

The Affair

After leaving college the answer to all of my questions came when I least expected it. While exercising one evening at home, I heard someone ask me a question. I was a single 21 year old woman who lived alone, and I knew there was no one else in my apartment.

I stopped for a moment and turned down the music. Then I heard it again, much clearer this time. The question was “Where have you been?” Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I was not one to believe in or be scared by “ghostly” things. While wondering what I should say or do, a wave of what I can only describe as the most wonderful, sweet peace flooded over me.

I began to cry as I fell to the floor, on my knees, so weak that I could not stand. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my life. I stayed in that position for some time unable to move. After gaining my composure, I simply asked, “Who are you”? The response was, “I am Jesus and I have been with you forever.”

At that moment my entire life flashed before my eyes. Everything I had done, either good or bad, I relived. I felt totally helpless for the first time in my life. I suddenly understood who I was. I was able to see not only my strengths, but also my weaknesses. I felt unclean in His presence.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, I said, “If you are who you say you are then you can make me clean; if you will take away the pain of my past, then I promise I will serve you all the days of my life.” At that moment I was changed. I suddenly felt compassion for the first time in my life. I felt clean. I felt love for someone other than myself.

The next day I awoke with a burning desire to read the Bible. I had an old, white zippered King James that my great grandmother had given me when I was very young. I had never opened it. I unzipped the cover and randomly flipped it open. I decided to read the passage that my thumb landed on and it read, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

The Relationship

After many years our affair is still going strong. I haven’t always been faithful to Him, but He has always been committed to me. I don’t always get along or agree with others in His family, but that’s alright because the most important thing is my relationship with Him.

There have been some over the years who have been jealous of our relationship. Some say they don’t understand it, others try to pervert it. Some try to convince me that it isn’t a relationship at all, that it’s only religion. and my love for Him should be dependent upon what other people do in His name.

Many who have come before me, who have tried to sell religion, have nothing to do with the man that I love. Having a relationship with Jesus has nothing to do with trying to convince people to join a religious club.

The answer to my questions regarding the existence of God had nothing to do with another person’s opinion, my socialization or studies, my religious background, or my need for a crutch to get me through life. The answers came through a visit from a man, who also happens to be God. A man who loves me unconditionally and gave up everything for me.

The Confession

Many people and groups have tried over the years through coercion, insults, and even the threat of bodily harm to keep me from talking about Jesus. It’s perfectly acceptable if I mention God, as long as the name of Jesus is omitted in what ever medium I choose to share with them. Apparently, political correctness is not something those of us who follow Jesus have a right to enjoy.

The intent of this article is not to insult or offend any who subscribe to a different opinion from my own. I do however, want to take this opportunity to make my beliefs very clear…

Until my body breathes its last breath, I will proclaim the name of Jesus no matter what the cost. He is the love of my life.